The Parenting Triathalon - In the First Transition

Today is the first Friday of the first full week of all-day kindergarten for my son. And I cannot believe what a huge difference it has already made - to me and my wife!

After 5 1/2 years of mostly having him at home (with some co-op preschool, 3 hours - 3 days/week) we actually have some time to think, breathe, and, well, do whatever we want!

I hadn't quite realized what we had been immersed in since our son's arrival. Other parents told me we were about to hit a "golden time", followed by another challenging period, but I didn't get it.

Now I get it -  parenting is a TRIATHALON.

The first part is the swim. It's full immersion. Dive right in. You're dry, then you're wet. You can't really stop. You often feel like you're going to drown. You sometimes get kicked in the face by the other participants. And then, after 5-6 years, it's finally over!

We are in that transition now, pulling off the cold, wet swimsuit. Toweling off. Putting on dry clothes (real triathaletes are now sensing I have never actually competed in one of these!) and getting ready for the bike.

The bike. Biking can be fun! We did it as kids. You can stop if you need to. Go slow or fast. You still have some energy left to do it.

And that is this middle portion of parenting, when hopefully the problems are ones you remember having yourself, that aren't so serious or heart-breaking or death-defying. Elementary school kids, still with some sweetness and innocence.

Reports from parents ahead of me is that this portion of the race will go til about age 11 or 12, followed by the knee-pounding, not-so-fun marathon to finish the race. I'm sure you teen and tween parents could give me many lessons about that. I will await the wisdom of those that have gone ahead.

But to finish, I'll say this - if your kids are in pre-school, keep moving forward! Don't give up. Have hope. Things will change, in a good way, soon!

Best, Peter

This is Your Brain on Internet Porn

Hey guys,

I have to tell you this first. I am not Puritanical. I like sex. I love women. I like porn.

But I have wondered, at age 46, what it would have been like to have unlimited Internet porn as a teenager, rather than the rag-tag underground railroad of magazines that we had back then. Would there be any effect on us?

This video is eye-opening. Again, not about moralism, but just about the neurological and sociological experiments we are doing to ourselves.

If you have a teen son (or soon to be teen son), I urge you to watch it.

http://www.upworthy.com/this-is-what-happens-when-kids-grow-up-on-unlimited-access-to-pornography?g=2

Sincerely, Peter Hannah MA LMHC

Men, Depression, and The Boss

Hi everyone,

This post isn't just for the nice guys out there, heck it's not just even for guys. It's for anyone who is living with depression - either in themselves or someone they love.

I think as a man, I often used to equate depression with the feminine. It was just about being sad, blue, teary.

I've certainly known men (both in therapy, and my outside life), who viewed being depressed as a character flaw of a sign of weakness.

That's why I am writing this blog post.

I was reading tonight when I found out one of my heroes, Bruce Springsteen, has fought a long battle with depression, has seen a therapist since 1982, and been on anti-depressants for almost a decade.

For me, Bruce has always been a mythical male figure - the poet warrior - fighting, driving, drinking, wooing women, pondering life and it's pain. To read about him and his father moved me.

It also reminded me of a list I have kept in my head, of other men - men we'd all look up to as "manly men" who are finally opening up about their battles with depression. Men such as....

Terry Bradshaw - the Steelers QB and now Fox football commentator has gone public with his battles with depression. I saw him interviewed once where he described winning the Superbowl and feeling....nothing.

Buzz Aldrin - he was the second man to walk on the moon. Astronauts tended to "the best and the brightest" and Buzz was one of them, a fighter pilot who served in Korea.

Jerry West - the man whose silhouette IS the logo of the NBA.

Musicians, writers, athletes, actors, and just regular men - plumbers, police officers, accountants, teachers - all have experienced depression, and been helped by therapy and/or medication.

And I have, too. That's why this is important to me.

The symptoms of depression in men can be different than in women. Here's a list of them of them from a  good article on male depression:

Escapist behavior, such as spending a lot of time at work or on sports

Alcohol or substance abuse

Controlling, violent or abusive behavior

Inappropriate anger

Risky behavior, such as reckless driving

Infidelity or unhealthy sexual relationships

If you think you or someone you love is suffering from depression, please see a doctor or a counselor. It doesn't have to be that bad.

I wish you the best. Sincerely, Peter Hannah MA LMHC

18 All-Purpose Assertive Phrases

Hi folks,

Twitter is at its best for me when it delivers something of real value.

Today, found an article posted on a Psychology Today blog entitled "Speak Up! 18 All-Purpose Assertive Phrases".

I found it really useful - hope you do to! Best, Peter
Nice Guy counseling in Seattle

PS - Twitter hat tip to @psychfeed

You Can't Say Yes....

If you can't also say "No". Another image quote for the day....

Parenting for the Nice Guy/People Pleaser

Hi everyone,

I'm working on compiling my favorite Nice Guy/People Pleaser quotes - I find they really are good touchstones and tools to keep in mind when we have to fight the tendency to be say yes or be TOO nice.

Here is today's. It pictures a child, but trust me, this advice is not just for working with kids.

Best to all, Peter

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