Friday, February 17, 2012
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Parenting for the Nice Guy/People Pleaser
Hi everyone,
I'm working on compiling my favorite Nice Guy/People Pleaser quotes - I find they really are good touchstones and tools to keep in mind when we have to fight the tendency to be say yes or be TOO nice.
Here is today's. It pictures a child, but trust me, this advice is not just for working with kids.
Best to all, Peter
I'm working on compiling my favorite Nice Guy/People Pleaser quotes - I find they really are good touchstones and tools to keep in mind when we have to fight the tendency to be say yes or be TOO nice.
Here is today's. It pictures a child, but trust me, this advice is not just for working with kids.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Monday, February 13, 2012
The Boundary Setting Cycle
Well, I just set a boundary. And now I am nervous.
I recognize this as a cycle. As least a cycle since I've become conscious enough to start setting boundaries over a decade ago. It goes like this:
1) Feel the pressure/dislike of their request/violation
2) Get brave
3) Set my boundary firmly and directly
4) Get nervous and wait for the sh*t to hit the fan
5) A response happens
6) I recalibrate my thinking and integrate the new result
Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
All of those steps gets more fine-tuned, quicker, and more direct each time. I think they are also "cleaner" for want of a better word. That is - my emotional reactivity in setting the boundary is lower, and is more limited to the actual person and event at hand. No old stuff. No pent up stuff.
That's the aim at least.
Note that there is NOT an absence of fear. There needs to be faith and/or bravery.
I ran this one by my wife (she does not suffer the same Nice problem as I) and she re-inforced what I already knew I wanted to do.
So now I am anxious awaiting the outcome of having told my truth!
All the best, Peter
I recognize this as a cycle. As least a cycle since I've become conscious enough to start setting boundaries over a decade ago. It goes like this:
1) Feel the pressure/dislike of their request/violation
2) Get brave
3) Set my boundary firmly and directly
4) Get nervous and wait for the sh*t to hit the fan
5) A response happens
6) I recalibrate my thinking and integrate the new result
Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
All of those steps gets more fine-tuned, quicker, and more direct each time. I think they are also "cleaner" for want of a better word. That is - my emotional reactivity in setting the boundary is lower, and is more limited to the actual person and event at hand. No old stuff. No pent up stuff.
That's the aim at least.
Note that there is NOT an absence of fear. There needs to be faith and/or bravery.
I ran this one by my wife (she does not suffer the same Nice problem as I) and she re-inforced what I already knew I wanted to do.
So now I am anxious awaiting the outcome of having told my truth!
All the best, Peter
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