How I Got Over My Allergy to Men's Work: An Ode to the Mankind Project

I have a confession to make - through my first 12 years of being a psychotherapist in Seattle, I had assiduously avoided "men's work". I'd say I had an allergy to it.

See I figured men's work either meant a bunch of guys with ponytails and Birkenstocks banging drums in the woods and integrating being all soft with each other, or it meant a bunch of muy-macho guys yelling at me and trying to make me tough.

Neither prospect was appealing. In fact both bothered the heck out of me.

I knew already that I had aspects of both. I could be loving, kind, sensitive and compassionate. I could also be angry, competitive, sarcastic and lustful too. I couldn't fathom a place that would understand both.

But a few men I respected mentioned this group called the Mankind Project and I was like "nope, nuh-uh, not for me, thanks."

Then, well, I got desperate. After two years in what I would describe as a swamp (emotional, physically, financially, professionally), and trying all sorts of things I never thought I would try (to no avail) - the universe got its message across to me. I signed up for the Mankind Project's initial training, the New Warrior Training Adventure (or NWTA for short).

So this is where the story will get a bit mysterious - because it has to be. The training is experiential, and is an initiation of sorts - so what actually goes on there is meant to stay secret, and I am going to respect that.

But I can and will tell you this. It worked. It brought me back to life. It re-filled my energy and got me back on my mission and purpose.

I, a guy who had usually been more comfortable around women, came back feeling more connected to men than I ever had in my life. And more assured that I am a full-fledged man, equal to any man I meet (if different in our own ways), and confident in the contrast I am to the divine feminine.

I came back more integrated, finally feeling "grown up" at 49 years old.

That was in November of last year (2015). I've waited a while to write this, wanting to do my due diligence about the group (they're good), see if the effects lasted (they have), and to let my passion settle in so as not to sell, proselytize, or sound like I drank some testosterone-laced Kool Aid.

But having just come back from staffing my first NWTA, and seeing once again the healing, energizing, freeing effects on the men who came there, I had to finally write and share this with you all.

See, I am a psychotherapist. Healing emotional wounds is my calling and mission and passion. I love what I do and love continuing to learn. And I have to admit there are limits to what I can do in a therapy hour in a professional office setting.

Some wounds need more time and space and dedicated focus to heal. Some need a group of strong, diverse men holding the container and ready to help. Some need the distance from family and work and to-do's of the house.

Some need the NWTA.

Sincerely, Peter Hannah

Dear Nice Guys - Your Silences Will Not Protect You

One of the things I actually find useful in social media and some of the email lists I am subscribed to is that other thinkers and healers and speakers connect me up with some GREAT wisdom that I might not have otherwise seen.

And so it is today. This came to me from a well-known therapist, author and speaker, Bill O'Hanlon. (Follow him on Twitter @POSSIBILL)

"I was going to die sooner or later, whether or not I had ever spoken myself. My silences had not protected me. Your silences will not protect you. What are the words you do not yet have? What are the tyrannies you swallow day by day and attempt to make your own, until you sicken and die of them, still in silence? We have been socialized to respect fear more than our own need for language." – Audre Lorde, after she was diagnosed with breast cancer

Oh, my fellow Nice Guys and People Pleasers, that one hits me square in the chest. How many things I have left unspoken. How many times I have stayed silent.

I get better at speaking my truth every year, but it is a journey. I hope this quote gives you some motivation to speak just a little more of your truth.

I wish you the best, Peter

Happy New Year & Intentions for 2016 from the Nice Guy Coach!

Hello, and Happy New Year!

I don't do resolutions, and haven't for a long time. They seem to be all about hard work and doing things I don't really want to do, but feel like I should do. Feh.

I do set Intentions, though. These are positive visions and affirmations for what I wish to experience over the coming year. They are what I want to be experiencing, not what I think I ought to do. That makes a huge difference.

They are also things that I can come back to if I miss a day. Unlike resolutions ("I will not eat any candy!" would be an apt one for me), I can be off on them for a day or even a week and come back to them. They talk about the process and the journey, not a goal that I don't get to have until after I do all the hard work.

So for you, and for me (a recovering Nice Guy), I'll share these intentions for 2016:

* I intend to share my truth more bravely, and to more people
* I intend to know and speak my feelings more fully
* I intend to show up authentically as much as I can
* I intend to take action toward what I want

I thought as I started this I would have a longer list, but those four are so powerful, and cover so much ground, I think that's a great place to leave it. And having FOUR intentions, rather than a laundry list, will allow me to focus more on those, and have a greater impact.

By the way, just writing this post is part of that first intention for me. Instead of wondering "what will people think", I am writing this post to you.

I wish you a happy and healthy year!
Sincerely, Peter Hannah MA LMHC

A Resource for the Nice Girls of the World

In my counseling practice, I've worked with both male and female "People Pleasers", and noted there are some real differences in how they show up as "too nice" in the world.

I've also realized that as a man, I have special insight and experience that can help the Nice Guys of the world.

I just ran across a website, with some good podcasts, of a great Seattle therapist named Sue Bates, which I think could be a resource for the Nice Girls of the world, so I thought I would share it with you: http://www.asksuebates.com/

What other Nice Guy and Nice Girl resources have *you* run into out there? Leave them in the comments!

Nice Guy Dating Tips #5 and #6.

Dating Tips #3 and #4

Dating Tips for Nice Guys #1 and #2

Hi all,

I've created 30 Dating Tips for Nice Guys - I find "dating" is really one of the weakest points for Nice Guys, as they much prefer secure, exclusive relationships. You'll hopefully see these around social media, and I'll be posting them throughout the summer. Not sure if I'll make an e-book out of this or not yet. But the tips themselves should be helpful and concise. Take care! Peter